Progress, Not Perfection: Embracing Setbacks in Hair Pulling Recovery

Here’s the truth about recovery: setbacks can and do happen, even when you’ve done everything right, you may find yourself pulling again. Relapses are part of the recovery process. 

The very idea of having a setback can feel like failure waiting to happen. When faced with a setback, it’s easy to blame yourself. One of the hardest lessons to learn is that a setback, big or small, is far from failure. It’s actually an opportunity for growth if you’re open to embracing the moment.

A key part of successful recovery is learning to shift from a mindset of self-judgment to one of self-compassion. When you’re able to reframe setbacks as learning opportunities and embrace self-compassion, you can learn from the moment and continue your healing journey.

The Nature of Recovery: It’s Not All-Or-Nothing

Many people view recovery as all-or-nothing. You’re either “fixed” or you’ve “failed”. The fact is recovery doesn’t work that way. Recovery is about learning ways to manage your pulling and building healthy ways of coping. It doesn’t happen in a straight line and setbacks happen. 

There will be periods of time when you can go days, maybe even weeks or months, without pulling. And, then there will be times when something triggers your pulling. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that all your progress is lost. You’ve learned along the way and you’re still learning with every experience you have.  

It’s all part of the recovery process. In fact, relapse for mental health disorders are about 50% and trich is no exception.  

These setbacks are not failures. They are valuable opportunities to understand your triggers, improve your coping strategies, and strengthen your resilience.

From Self-Judgment to Self-Compassion

When a setback happens, it’s easy to let self-criticism seep in. The “should haves” and the “ought to’s” can take over, leaving you feeling defeated and ashamed which can lead to more pulling. 

Instead, try practicing self-compassion. This means treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend in your situation. Self-compassion is about being mindfully aware of your personal struggle and focusing on positivity. Acknowledge the challenges you face without judgment and offer yourself grace, patience and understanding as you navigate your journey. 

Managing Self-Criticism and Breaking the Guilt Cycle

Self-criticism can be intense, especially if perfectionism is a trigger for you. Practicing mindfulness can help here. When you notice negative self-talk creeping in, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are not defined by your hair pulling and that thoughts are not facts. Just because you feel like a failure does not mean you are one. Acknowledge your emotions without letting them define you.

Here are some ways to break the cycle of guilt and shame:

• Reframe setbacks as learning experiences – Look for the lessons. What worked well? What can you do differently next time? 
• Practice self-forgiveness – Everyone has setbacks and missteps. It’s part of the human condition and how we learn. Acknowledge your struggle and give yourself grace.
• Challenge negative thoughts – Counter negative thoughts with positive ones. For example, instead of thinking, “I can’t stop pulling”, counter it by recalling periods when you’ve been successful. Remember those wins because they count!
• Keep a recovery journal – A journal gives you a place to explore your thoughts and feelings. It can help you to recognize patterns and find new ways of coping. 

Remember, every setback holds valuable information and is an opportunity for growth. Instead of avoiding or suppressing feelings of disappointment, use them as a guide for your next steps.

Keep Moving Forward

The fact is, there is no one perfect way to heal from trich. The best strategies are the ones that work best for you. If you find yourself wondering how to move forward or where to start, there is help. A therapist trained in treating hair pulling can help you find the strategies that work best for you and help you navigate the journey of healing.  

The most important action you can take is to keep going, even when it gets hard. Persistence will help you to keep moving forward towards healing. Along the way, remember to be kind to yourself. Celebrate the victories. Learn from the setbacks. Embrace the journey. Recovery is not just about not pulling, it’s also about building resilience, gaining a deeper understanding of yourself, and moving forward. 

References

1. Recovery & relapse in BFRBs. (2024, September 2). Trichotillomania Support. https://trichotillomania.co.uk/bfrb-relapse-and-recovery/

2. Mukaromah, I. T., Anjani, F. F., Permatasari, N. P., Karyani, U., & Hasanah, M. (2019, April). Why Do People with Mental Disorders Relapse? [Paper presentation] 2nd International Seminar on Psychology 2019. https://digitallibrary.ump.ac.id/279/2/12.%20Full%20Paper_Mukaromah,%20Anjani,%20Permatasari,%20Karyani,%20Hasanah_UMS%20%28p%20123-132%29.pdf