painful scalp damage

I just found this website and the past few weeks I have had the worst episodes I've ever experienced. I've struggled with trich for most of my life but I didn't know what it was until a few years ago. Last night was really difficult and I pulled a lot from the back of my head (now I have a new bald spot), and when I ran out of hair in that area I took a sharp pen and started digging into that spot so I could still get the feeling. I woke up and brushed my hair this morning only it hurt really bad on my neck so I looked in the mirror and now the area is red/scabbing. I have no clue what to do about it except wait for it to heal, but Im wondering if this happens to anyone else? I just get this intense urge until I start to crave the pain of pulling out my hair, its debilitating. I feel alone because I know no one else with trich especially to the severity that I have dealt with. I don't see many people talking about what it actually feels like to pull, but to me its a very intense feeling of satisfaction when I pull out a follicle and I just have to keep doing it. Looking in the mirror and seeing bald spots makes me feel weak, sick, and frustrated. if there are any other high school/college age girls out there who deal with this I would love some support because Its so difficult to feel confident when my body is making do something that takes from my beauty. thanks :/