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LauraRose , 11 Dec 2017

Keeping the 'secret' or telling people about it?

For a long time, I have been ignoring my hair pulling behavior, but a month ago it got so bad, that I had to change something and I started researching. That's when I found the Trichstop online therapy and it has already helped me so much with becoming more aware of my pulling and recognizing patterns. My current worry is whether I should open up to someone about it or not. Keeping it as my biggest secret has always kept me in my comfort zone, but also makes me cancel dates and meetings when I feel ashamed. It is such a burden to me. I have always wondered if people don't notice or don't know what to say about it. And on the one hand I want to open up to my close friends to let them know, but on the other hand I am SO SCARED of how they would react! It makes me feel so different and dysfunctional. Do you know this feeling? And have you opened up to friends? I would be thankful for your experiences and thoughts on this.

3 Answers
December 14, 2017
If your friends are mature [mine are], they can be a "tool" to help you in your progressive, which mine were supportive by reminding me to stop whenever they spotted me.

I would still be careful which friends you tell.

Note I'm on day 86 of being pull free, and I do not credit my friends for helping me stop. While announcing a goal and keeping to it has some to do with success [such as on here and in the Minnesota Trich Meetup group], I think in the end it still comes down to you -- Setting goals, keeping goals, resetting goals and not getting too down if you relapse, getting back at it, and much self talk to not undo the slow and steady progress.

Good luck!
December 17, 2017
I know everyone is different. My ex-husband struggles with trich, and now I have identical twin girls, one of whom struggles with it. For my daughter, after spending several months with her CBT, it was about finding her “voice.” She opened up about the issue, and I gave her complete control over if and when she wanted to tell, how she wanted to manage her hair, and the way she vocalized her anger and frustration. So many people (SO MANY) people have approached her or me and admitted to having the issue at some point but always being afraid to tell anyone. My daughter was getting infections on her scalp from sores so she finally made the very brave decision to shave her head. My ex did not get the support required to manage the condition when he was younger. He’s 43 now and he still pulls constantly. I know my daughter will live with the condition for the rest of her life, but hiding was just more weight than her tiny soul could bear. She has not exhibited any pulling behaviors in a few months, and her scalp is 100% full. My recommendation is to be open about it, but also know that people are idiots and will say ridiculous things. If one more person calls my beautiful daughter “he” or “him,” I will lose it. She is almost 14 and has boobs...and does “identical” not mean anything? Be patient and willing to educate people. It’s not an’s not a behavior is a disorder in the anxiety spectrum but does not respond to anxiety medications in the expected way. People will offer up ridiculous “cures” and magic potions and unicorn poop...or my personal favorite...”just stop pulling.” Be willing to accept that many people will not understand, and that’s okay. You need to be okay with that before going public, and I suggest surrounding yourself with a few friends, educating them, and asking that they step in when people say stupid things. Own it, honey. If you don’t, no one will.
December 19, 2017
It is best to have at least someone you trust knowing about it. Harboring that is not good for you and will only make trich worst. I've accepted people with worst conditions so I know they will accept me and the issues I'm going through. If you are still having Trich problems, I recommend hypnotherapy. This worked for me and I'm sure you'll have the same results. Just play it every night before you go to bed. Within a couple days you should start to notice the urges going away.

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