This is a long story, but please stick with it if you can.
I am a 14 year old girl and I’ve been pulling my eyelashes ever since I was about nine years old. I remember people telling me I was gifted to have such long eyelashes. However, it was that comment that made got me standing in front of the mirror that one day, curious about my eyelashes.
I guess I wanted to see how long they really were, so I pulled one out. Then another. And another. And another. Until I pulled so many eyelashes that it had became a habit for my hand to go up towards my eyes to pull out another eyelash.
It got to the point where I almost didn’t have any lashes at all, yet I was still carelessly pulling. That was until my mom finally noticed and was aghast of what Ive done to myself. I remember her pushing me away when I wanted to hug her. Ever since then, I’ve been ashamed after every time I had an episode, only for my mom to notice and yell at me more, asking me why. And every time, I had the same response.
I don’t know.
However, after years of saying I don’t know, I finally know why.
I developed a habit when I was younger for my hand to go towards my eyes and run my fingers across the lashes. If just this was the case, I wouldn’t be pulling now because I have grown into the fact that I need to stop pulling. However, I have noticed lately that when lashes regrow, they will do so but come in a harder and overall a more coarse texture. It’s bexause of the textures of the eyelash that triggers me into pulling. And I can’t stop pulling until I know that certain eyelash that is different from the rest is pulled out.
This is affecting me in the worst of ways. If I am really determined, I will spend hours to pull out coarse eyelashes that I’ve been longing to pull out. I have been losing sleep and overall most of my time because of this. This also tends to make my eyes appear red and puffy the next day, making me look sick. And I haven’t even mentioned the bald patches.
I’ve had people notice. Beforehand I shrugged it off or tried to change the subject or excuse myself. Now I say it’s a hereditary condition where lashes fall out, or an autoimmune condition. But now that I’m in high school, I have to be careful with makeup (I have a hard time putting it on as it is). There are certain hairstyles I cant do well because it accents the bald spots, and I can’t even look my friends in the eyes anymore. I’m constantly worried that the way I look is causing rumors about me or causing people to overall see and think of me as a different person. I’m now starting to worry that if this still happens during sophomore year, I won’t get a boyfriend because of it.
All I want is your thoughts. Please tell me if your story is similar, things I may be overthinking, not thinking enough of, and overall what I can do. I’m new to this forum and I’m looking into it the best I can. But for now, for my situation, what do you think?
Thank you so much.