I have been pulling my hair for a long time. My earliest memory was when I was around 11. I remember noticing a hair that had a thick black root and I remember thinking oh that doesn't look normal? So, I pulled and pulled and pulled until I could find more. I remember after a significant amount of time passed, looking to the floor and seeing the entire bedroom floor covered in hair. I sweeped it up and put it in the bin so no one saw. And that was how it started. I continued to pull whenever i was bored, anxious, excited, any emotion - but never significantly enough for noticeable bald patches. I am now 25 years old and it is starting to affect my relationships. My partner and parents keep nagging me 'stop pulling your hair out' and they'll complain when they find hair around me. They don't quite understand that I can't help it. I've begun to notice the hair on my left side of my head is starting to become more bare and my hair is extremely damaged. I just like finding those roots, i like finding the split ends, i like finding all of those 'non-perfect' hairs. My boss at work even said to me the other day 'don't touch your hair'. I felt so embarrassed but I didn't really feel like I had a problem, it was just a 'quirk' I had and liked to do. It didn't make me feel particularly better, i just liked doing it. I was never really embarrassed by the pulling and openly spoke about it before if anyone asked - just that i can't help it and like doing it. I did get embarrassed at the piles of hair though afterwards and would always sweep these away before anyone noticed.
I agreed to go to the Doctor today for my partner to talk about it. As soon as I started speaking I started crying and I have never cried or even been emotional about it before and the Dr said this is probably because i've just admitted it to a stranger. She never said 'you have trich' just that I have a 'habit' and we talked about anxiety and depression but she said i didn't appear to have that. She has referred me to a behavioural psychologist so I am now on the waiting list. After the appointment my partner phoned to ask me how it went and now i feel so vulnerable, like I have never felt before. I no longer feel in control and just feel really down. Is this definitely trich? Is it just a bad habit? Why do i feel so awful about it now? Aren't you meant to feel better when you talk to someone about it? I want to stop but now I feel like I am 'freak' or something and that no one understands and it's just a habit that I have. I no longer want to talk about it and feel like I need to now be secretive about it and am worried this might make me worse. Did anyone feel the same after they went to the Dr?