Will this be a part of me for the rest of my life?

I hate how much of an issue TTC has become in my life. I started pulling in the 8th grade and now I'm a sophomore in college. It's always been so difficult fitting in at school, and I guess I never wanted to admit to myself that all the weird looks I got were due to my hair and not because of other physical reasons. 

Even now, I struggle to make peace with the way I look. I shower and run shampoo on my scalp and massage it, but all I feel are bald spots and it makes me very frustrated. 

Why did I ever let it get this bad?

Finding romantic partners now is not an issue because I've mastered the art of disguising my bald spots, but it's weird explaining during intimate moments why I won't put my pony tail down or join them in the shower.

My parents are hispanic so the whole topic of mental health continues to be something that is extremely difficult to talk about with them. My dad would often make fun of my hair (hispanic people roast each other often), but later he knew that it was because I pulled it and yet he still continued to make comments that never fail to not hurt my feelings. I still live with them and they still fail to understand why I won't just stop pulling my hair.Why can't they understand that it's a daily battle that can't be solved overnight?

I'm gonna start therapy again and I really hope that it helps me out. I've felt so alone lately anr stressed out over so much going on in my life and I can't continue to hold it all in.

I don't know if people are actually as active now on this website, but comment down if you would ever wanna have a phone call or text each other about our current situations. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm alone on this issue and going to in person support groups is just not viable for me right now. Do let me know if you would be down for this.

Thank you for reading and I hope anyone coming across this is doing okay.