“Outing”

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Last seen: 8 months 6 days ago
Joined: 04/06/2019 - 10:57
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“Outing”
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Hi,
This is the first time i actually dare talking to “someone” (whoever is out there) about it. I’ve been pulling my hair ever since I was 16. Now I’m 39...
Whenever I get anxious, I start pulling. And that is basically all the time. I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder - of course.
And pulling hair is connected with so much shame. The last time I’ve been to a hairdresser has been what? twenty years ago. I couldn’t face the shame of me feeling, no, being so disgusting. And in 30 minutes I have an appointment at a hairdresser. For the first time in 20 years. I am so tense this morning, guess what I’ve been doing? Exactly, pulling my hair.

I hate myself for doing it.
And now I’m a tiny bit relieved to have written something here.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

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Last seen: 7 months 5 days ago
Joined: 05/08/2019 - 06:45
Posts: 10

Jaeymaey,

That hairdresser stress is the WORST. I always feel like I’m having some kind of outer body experience when I’m getting my hair cut. I feel like they’ll notice something off about me or my hair or something and I feel so so self conscious and shameful and awful.

I’ve had trich since I was 11 or 12 and I’m 27 now. And yes I have anxiety too, have dealt with some severe depression and have epilepsy as well. But I feel like I’m finally making some headway with my trich which is why I wanted to visit some forums and share what has helped me (since nothing has helped for the longest time)!

Basically, breathing techniques and affirmations have helped me tremendously. Connecting the body and brain through mindful eating, honoring your body enough to WANT to help yourself- want to better yourself... that’s where it started for me.

Replacing racing, habitual thoughts like “I hate myself” or “I’m such a failure”, etc with “I love myself”, “I deserve love”, “I love my hair”, “I am capable”, “it’s okay” “I can do this”, etc- might seem absolutely ridiculous at first, but are essential for reprogramming your thought patterns- and I swear this has helped me with breaking this lifelong habit that has haunted me for too long.

I get into trances where I feel like I can’t stop, and I think maybe why it continues is because I know I’ll be upset when it’s over (frustrated, disappointed with myself, shameful)- so instead of stopping, I delay those awful feelings.

My routine to stop pulling now is this- I notice my hands and sometimes even look at them (for some reason this grounds me). I place them gently, flat on my head and tell myself some loving affirmations: “it’s okay”, “I love you”, “I love my hair”, “I deserve love”, “I am capable”, “I am strong”, “I can do this”- whichever of these resonates with me that day. Simultaneously, I take three deep breaths- 4 counts in, 4 counts out. If I need to breathe longer I will. Then, I try to refresh my surroundings- stand up if I’m sitting- get out of the room- move on to the next thing. I find I pull when I’m avoiding something I need to do- even if it’s simple, so sometimes I take that opportunity to make a to do list, or if I know what I’m putting off- to try to get it done, or take one baby step in the direction of getting it done. Or- if you have someone you can talk to- opening up to them. Letting someone know you feel frustrated or anxious and leaning on some support.

Email me if you want to keep in touch! Trich is so isolating... I feel like I am finally making some breakthroughs :) panfloot@gmail.com